To Be Loved By Death
by Lady Sasshomaru
Summary: Koga must go and leave Ayame behind, but she can't live without him.


"And what will I do, left on my own?"

She had never raised her voice to him before, and it scared her that she had. But she would not back down now, the thought of actually having to survive without him frightening her far more than the reprimand she would recieve.

"You'll manage...your strong.."

She narrowed her eyes at him, refusing to believe these harsh words were his own. She watched as he fidgeted in his place, never bringing his eyes to meet her own. She knew why he couldn't, why he could never look into her face when he was troubled.His piercing blue eyes betrayed what he truly felt, even if his demeanor remained impassive.Though at times, his eyes and weary face told of a wisdom far beyond that of his age.

She could look at him no longer as she saw the determination in his face, and fell to her knees, trying desperatly not to cry before him. He had protected her that day and cared for her, and now after such a short time he was going to leave her. She leaned foward, balancing herself on the palms of her calloused hands, watching the tears roll off her face to the ground below.

"Then go...I will hinder you no longer.."

She heard his footsteps come closer and saw his knees bend as he knelt before her. She felt his arm go around her shoulder as he pulled her to him. She leaned into him and let her tears spill foward, wrapping her arms around his waist. He was all she wanted, and he was leaving her-just as her father had done when he took his own life.

"I don't want to leave you , you know I would take you with me if I could. But you'll be safe here.."

She felt the daggar in his belt that he always kept with him. She remembered when he stole it from a dead man they had come across when they were children. She nodded and slowly pulled it free, hiding it in the cuff around her wrist.

"My heart will be lighter knowing that you are out of danger's way."

He pulled away from her and looked at her smiling faintly. It took everything she had to barely return that smile. How could he expect her to when all she wanted was to break? He stood and pulled her up with him, as she brought her arms around his neck to say goodbye...to give him her final goodbye.

"I love you, Koga..."

His smile brightened as he thought she had finally accepted what he needed to do. He hugged her in return and kissed her forehead, promising her that he would return within the year. She knew he would. Promises were something he would never break.

"Wait for me, Ayame."

She nodded and looked away, always feeling bad about lying to someone. She tilted her head up, though and watched him begin to walk away, turning around every few feet to wave goodbye. She would halfheartedly return the gesture, knowing she would never again have to endure the horrible sight of him walking away from her.

She waited until he was out of sight before she removed the daggar. She stared at it coldly before giving into her tears again. She looked at the road and in one angry movement, plunged the blade through her throat. She fell foward, a searing pain ripping through her neck down into her chest. Her face was tight as she felt pain like she never had before. Her lungs fought to breath, to bring in the air that would keep her body alive but they were denied. She wanted this, though. She wanted to suffer this pain to escape a greater one. Blood rushed up through her throat and into her mouth, the warm metallic taste of it burning her tongue. It ran over her lips and down her chin, staining the ground below her.

She hated him in that moment. Hating him because he left her, because he hurt her, and because she still loved him more than anything. She closed her eyes, begging for forgiveness from God, fearing the fate of her soul. She begged Koga for forgiveness, not wanting to him to be bitter. Her body tensed and she knew she was so close to death, seeing the devil standing above her grinning wickedly. This was because of him, but she still spoke to him lovingly with her final breath.

"Now let your heart beat free.." 


End file.
